Say No to Cyber Bullies
A 21st Century Sickness: Cyber-Bullying

They cannot take away our self-respect if we do not give it to them.

‘Sticks and stones can break my bones but words will never harm me.’

So goes the old fashioned rhyme, chanted in every playground when I was young, as a defence against name-calling and verbal bullying. But is it true? Is it only physical abuse that wounds? In principle, the sentiment is correct. Mahatma Gandhi said: ‘They cannot take away our self- respect if we do not give it to them.’ Whilst this may work in theory, it’s much harder in practise to simply ignore malicious remarks and walk away unscathed. If the torment is a regular occurrence, it becomes very difficult to maintain self respect and can dent even the most confident of individuals.

And in 2007, there is a new form of bullying; reliant on words and unheard of in my schooldays it is even more terrifying in its form.

Cyber- bullies are a potential hazard to anyone who has a mobile phone or uses the Internet – whether you’re a child at school, an adult at work or a mum at home. No one is safe.

Cyber- bullying is a particularly nasty form of intimidation for several reasons. The medium used for bullying - sending a text/e-mail message or posting a response on a website – offers a level of anonymity to the bully whilst targeting the victim in the most personal areas of their life.

Schools Minister Jim Knight was quoted by the BBC as saying: ‘Unlike other forms of bullying, cyber-bullying can follow children and young people into their private spaces and outside of school hours.’ So even in the comfort of their own home, behind locked doors and in what should be a place of safety, the bully’s tentacles of torment will creep in with the simple ‘beep’ of a text message or an anonymous computerised voice saying: ‘You have mail!’

If new research is right, 20% of pupils have been bullied via their mobile phone or the Internet. Jim Knight was quoted in The Times saying: ‘No child should suffer the misery of bullying, online or offline, and we will support schools in tackling it in cyberspace with the same vigilance as in the playground.’

But does the responsibility for tackling cyber-bullying lie purely with schools? The government thinks not. It reminds parents that they are accountable for their children’s actions with the threat of fines up to £1000 for parents of bullies who fail to tackle this type of antisocial behaviour.

As parents, we are raising a generation of kids who view the Internet and mobile phone technology as an integral part of daily life. As such, it is our responsibility to educate them in right and wrong – which must now extend to cyber-bullying. The ‘traditional bully’ is portrayed as a mean, aggressive lad picking on a smaller, weaker victim, using physical violence to hurt and intimidate. Yet bullying encompasses many forms such as exclusion, taunts or insults. These emotional and mental jibes can be every bit as damaging as a punch or a kick. You may not see the victim bleeding and bruised on the outside, but you can be sure the wounds are every bit as painful inside and may take longer to heal.

The Times quoted Peter Smith, Professor of Psychology at Goldsmiths College, London as saying: ‘Ten years ago, psychologists thought of aggression in verbal or physical terms, which traditionally was a male domain. But cyber-bullying is more akin to relational or indirect bullying, such as spreading rumours, where girls are more likely to get involved.’

Children must understand the difference between harmless teasing and hurtful taunting. They should know there is never an excuse for written intimidation using cyberspace as a weapon; and how to handle it if they themselves become a victim.

As adults we need to examine the websites we look at and use on a regular basis. Do they reflect the anti-bullying message we want to send to our kids? Forums can become hotbeds for cyber-bullying and supposedly family friendly sites hosts to entirely inappropriate content. A mother who had tragically lost her baby to cot death had turned to a parenting forum for support, only to be bullied off the site by aggressive members. Some online communities offer the genuine support this bereaved mother was desperately seeking, yet others are destructive and the impact on real lives is horrendous.

Freedom of speech is one thing, bullying is another. The allowance of one does not make the other acceptable by default.

If we post abusive or derogatory remarks in a public forum, we suggest to our children that cyber-bullying and abusive language is OK because adults do it. Should we be concerned when we see threads on forums with hundreds of mothers posting their favourite swearwords? A competitive thread started on one site, and within hours, some of the most obscene words were listed on a parenting forum.

On another site, 400 people posted their opinion on anal sex - on a website aimed at parents which could be easily accessed by a child. If we can imagine the people who’ve written those posts all standing in a line and actually saying the words, we get a better idea of the damage it does. When a bully is standing in front of you, it is very real. Just because the bully is hiding behind the anonymity of cyberspace or a nickname, does not make them any less threatening. In fact, this type of intimidation can be more devastating, because emails, posts and text messages are open to publication around the world – that’s a very big playground and potentially a lot of bullies.

The key to success then, may be simpler than we think. Children live what they learn by the example of the people that are nurturing them. How on earth can bullying and vulgarity have any place in an environment which should be loving and nurturing. It is essential that we adults lead by example and ensure that our behaviour and the choices we make send the right message.

Cyber-bullying is a 21st century problem that will not go away unless we fight it. Not convinced? www.bullying.co.uk has this to say on their website: ‘Bullying Online has a particular interest in cyber bullying and we’ve closed down a number of abusive websites and Internet forums. There are also other hidden dangers on the Internet and you need to know how to recognise risky websites which may not be what they seem.’

http://www.bullying.co.uk/pupils/internet_safety.php

http://www.vnunet.com/vnunet/news/2162417/teachers-aware-cyber-bullying

http://www.antibullying.net/cyberbullying1.htm

http://www.bullyonline.org/related/cyber.htm

http://www.dfes.gov.uk/bullying/

http://www.besafeonline.org/English/bullying_online.htm